Going From Loneliness to Love, It's Worth It

"When I'm afraid, I think about being lonely and what I've done wrong...But in love, all of that just seems to melt."
Experiencing Love Ep 142

Hello, and welcome to Experiencing Love. I'm your host, Philip Joks, and I'm so glad that you're here. Today, I was trying to hone in on what the theme of the day is, to feel my daily download, so to speak. When I took a closer look at my emotions, I noticed I was feeling a bit sad. I asked myself why and realized it's because I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment. I've reached out to some people in different areas of my life, but for one reason or another, they're a bit busy and can't get back to me right now.

It's much easier for me to be understanding and accepting when people are busy, yet sometimes, it feels like everybody is just too busy. And I want to be clear, I'm talking about everyone I want to spend time with right now. I also choose to believe they're busy because, in the past, I had a tendency to blame myself for their absence, thinking I might have done something wrong. But it's not that I don't make mistakes; I do, and I make it my mission to learn from them. That being said, there's no need to repeat a mistake twice – once in real life and once, if not more, in my own mind, reliving that mistake over and again.

Because, to me, there's a difference between learning from a mistake and just reliving it, feeling the pain of doing something wrong, maybe even hurting someone. I wonder about what truly classifies as doing something wrong. While a mistake may not be the right way to do something, it's not precisely the wrong way if we learn from it. In a roundabout way, it was the right way to learn a lesson from that mistake. However, my definition of doing something wrong is making a decision or acting out of fear, as opposed to making a choice with the intention of genuine love. When your intention is real love, it's truly difficult to go wrong.

I've observed many people making terrifying, harmful decisions in the name of love, but in reality, they were motivated by a fear of losing that love. The reactions to any given situation will greatly differ depending on whether the decision was made out of love or fear. Speaking about this now, out loud, really helps me return to a mindset of love. After recording 142 episodes of this podcast, I've learned that there's a sort of magic in speaking things into existence, instead of ruminating in my own mind. This allows me to release my thoughts and feelings, making space for something new.

Earlier today, I was consumed by fear – afraid that I'd done something wrong, that my friends and family were upset with me, or that I'd made an unnoticed mistake leading to their silent treatment. But in speaking about these fears, I've realized they're not true. I may not know the whole truth, but I get to choose the story I tell myself – whether it's a narrative filled with fear and assumptions or one of understanding and patience. I may feel lonely now, but that doesn't mean I'll feel lonely forever. Tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities.

If I let fear take hold today and carry it into tomorrow, I'll only manifest that fear into my day. Making decisions out of fear – like the fear of not being enough, of being alone, or of not being loved – has led to some of the most harmful experiences of my life. So, rather than forcing a different feeling, I'm giving myself space to genuinely feel this way. I want to acknowledge and understand these feelings because, in 90 seconds, I might be ready to feel something different. Instead of focusing on what I lack, I can appreciate what I have, feeling genuine gratitude.

To be honest, sometimes "gratitude" feels like a buzzword used to elicit a certain emotion. There was a time in my life when I believed I was experiencing gratitude, especially during Thanksgiving, listing off things I was grateful for without truly appreciating them. It took a long journey to understand what real gratitude feels like, and I'm still learning. The depth of gratitude I've felt recently is much more profound than anything I experienced years ago, and I'm open to discovering even deeper levels of gratitude in the future.

I believe many people haven't felt the level of gratitude I have, and it’s something I wish for everyone. There's something incredibly beautiful about appreciating the little things in life. Consider how precious your heartbeat is – it decides your very existence without any command from you. Your heart beats thousands of times per hour, every day, without seeking thanks. It's an act of love from our body to us. When I contemplate gratitude, I think about these little, yet significant, things.

The presence of people in our life is significant, but the memories of time spent with them are treasures that remain forever. Over the last five to ten years, people have come and gone in my life, making hellos joyous and goodbyes often sad. Yet, regardless of the relationship stage, I cherish the fond memories we've created together. Being alone right now doesn't mean I'm devoid of love; it means I have love in my heart from past interactions.

Even in moments of hurt caused by others, there are countless memories that bring joy and happiness. Instead of dwelling on loneliness, I choose gratitude for having had even a minute with the amazing people in my life. Whether someone is in our life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime, we can't always tell immediately. So, my goal is to enjoy the time we have together, hoping for a reunion where we can laugh about our time apart.

This mindset of true love shifts my focus away from loneliness and perceived faults towards the inherent light within me that only needs uncovering. So, I thank you for being here, for witnessing my journey from fear to love. I want you to know how truly amazing you are, that I miss you, and that I love you, whether you've been told this recently or not at all. My hopes for you are high because I know you're doing the best you can with what you have. Always remember to fill up with love, and I'll eagerly await our next encounter. I love you.

Curious to hear the transformative insights and personal stories that inspired this blog? Dive deeper into the world of embracing love, overcoming loneliness, and finding gratitude. Listen to the full podcast episode for a dose of inspiration and wisdom. Click here This Episode On Spotify to explore the conversation that could change your perspective on solitude and enrich your journey.

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