Transforming Language to Shape Your Emotional Landscape

“There is no one right way to be happy, to feel fulfilled, or maybe most importantly, to feel at peace."
Experiencing Love Ep 136

Hello and welcome to Experiencing Love. I'm your host, Philip Joks, and I'm so glad that you're here. Placed next to me on my desk is a very delicious-looking watermelon. I want to dig in so badly, and I'm also really in the mood to watch a movie. So, I made a deal with myself: I would eat this watermelon and watch a movie as soon as I finished recording this episode and posted it. I decided to make it my reward rather than just a desire or an impulse I give to myself. I use it as leverage to do something I know I need to do, which is more relevant to me, to my current situation, to my life.

The more I think about it, today, I've had a pretty off day if I'm going to be honest. Emotionally, mentally, physically, I just haven't been all there. I don't know, it just felt like one of those waking up on the wrong side of the bed type of days. And I wonder if you've had a similar experience to this, where you know exactly what you need to do, and yet you just don't do it. While I laid in bed watching videos on my iPad or shows on my computer, I knew one thing that would really help is getting up and getting active. Going for a walk, maybe going for a run, doing some push-ups, some Russian twists, maybe just getting my blood moving, my heart pumping. I know that's something that would help me. And yet, I don't do it. I continue laying in bed. It's like that first hurdle, that first leap of going from doing nothing to doing something is always the hardest.

I'm very careful about the language that I use to the best of my abilities. I want to use words that have empowering connotations, to use phrases that build me up. In the past, I would use words like "frustrated," "angry," "depressed," "anxious," and I would feel those things more often. Ever since I started limiting how much I use those words, especially in saying "I am depressed," "I am frustrated," making it a part of my identity, I started feeling those things less. Yet at the same time, my body does remember what those things feel like. And while sometimes I don't use the words, it feels as though my body has cataloged certain feelings with those names. I may not use "depressed" as much as I used to, and yet while I was laying in bed today and I was just practicing some self-awareness and asking myself, "Alright, what do I feel? Where do I feel it?" I noticed it matched up with how I used to feel when I would say I'm depressed now. I don't believe truly that I was depressed today, because if I did, then I know what comes after that. I know the pain, and I know that I don't take action and I don't get out of it. I actually go deeper until it gets worse. I just think I haven't renamed those feelings yet.

I know renaming feelings works because I've done it before. When I think about it, I remember learning this lesson years ago: that anxiety, or even nervousness and excitement, live in the same part of your body. Sometimes it's that pit in the stomach, sometimes it's that tightness in your chest. You usually feel it in your core. And if you really notice, when you get excited, you feel the same way as you do when you're anxious. The only difference is your focus, and your view, and the language you use around it. So, pretty much, I stopped saying that I was nervous and started saying I'm excited. And it genuinely changed the way I looked at whatever huge opportunity was in front of me. Rather than be afraid, I felt ready. And I know that my behavior reflected that. So, I know it's possible to rewrite physical feelings with different emotions, different names. I haven't renamed that feeling, that sensation, and I think it would really help me to do so. I do wonder if anybody else has done this type of work. I'm sure I'm not the first person to think of this. And so, after this, I'm going to do some research and find who's discovered what, who believes what, and maybe what words I can replace.

It's honestly so fun to think about how this idea spawned off the initial context of having a reward. Maybe, in part, this has to do with me truly valuing and appreciating variety. Similar to the idea of shiny object syndrome, where you gravitate towards and constantly get excited for the next new thing. But I realized it's not always about the next new thing for me. Sometimes it's just about doing something different, even something that I've done before. I have phases. I go through cycles. It happens when it comes to exercise. I go through phases where I like to go to the gym, then I like doing outdoor workouts, maybe go for runs or walks. Then I do bike rides, rock climbing, hiking. They don't always happen at the same times, and I usually fall in love with them one at a time. And at some point, I feel the need for something different and I switch it.

The same thing happens for food. The Same thing happens for pastimes and fun activities. I used to do the same thing when I used to play video games. I had phases of loving to play Minecraft and watching a show or a movie at the same time. And then there's other times I loved playing ranked-based shooter games. Then there's times I maybe played some racing games or I would just not play games altogether. Usually during that time, I would find other activities, maybe a good old crossword puzzle, or maybe I'll just touch some grass. Enjoy being outside again. That may be a reason for me as to why one single solution doesn't exist. I think I'm always looking for what's the one thing that if I incorporate it into my life, would completely solve these problems. And I'm starting to think that it doesn't exist because I do need multiple tools in my tool belt to pick from so that when one tool gets overused, I have another one to turn to. It's not about finding what's the one right routine. It's about just being familiar with and comfortable using a variety of methods.

When I feel this way, when I feel sluggish and worn down, it's not about just switching my language. It's not about just journaling. It's not about just spending time with people. It's about doing a combination of all these things and doing them to various degrees. And I hope that as you're listening to this, it makes sense to you. There is no one right way for you to get what you want, whether that's some level of success, be it financial or even relationship success. There is no one right way to exercise. There is no one right way to be happy, to feel fulfilled, or maybe most importantly, to feel at peace. There are a lot of ways to get there. And it may just be that I record hundreds of these episodes and you listen to all of them and nothing that I talk about is right for you. Maybe there is no one right thing that's right for you because you just have to take bits and pieces of everything that's around you, put them together in your own way, in your own little jigsaw puzzle, and come up with a unique solution that maybe nobody's ever thought of before. Or, if they did think of them, they haven't shared them with the world yet. Maybe that's what you're meant to do. You're meant to share what you learn with the world.

I believe that one of our jobs as people is to solve problems and then share the solutions. Some people share the knowledge of the solution. Some people share a product, some people share a service in saying that they want to solve your problem for you. Whatever it is, it's a great way to bring value to the world. Because the more people there are solving a problem on their own, the more variety there are in solutions. And like I said before, there is no one right way to find a solution. There is no one right way to solve a problem. And maybe we need a world full of people solving problems to come up with this jigsaw puzzle of solutions to bigger problems, ones that individuals can't solve on their own.

I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling now. And I keep looking over at this watermelon. It's calling my name right now. It's a whisper. Soon it'll be a scream. And I would love to start eating it before it's a scream. Thank you for being here. Thank you for giving me a platform to air out my thoughts, test out new ideas, revisit old ones. I don't know if I have a clear direction that I plan to take this podcast into. That's okay. For right now, as I go through these different phases, my different cycles, what's important is that I keep showing up. I'm proving to myself that I can. That's the important thing right now. And I'm going to use this lesson to learn to find solutions and then share those with the world.

So, I really am just grateful that you're here while I figure it out. One day, it'll all make sense based on bits and pieces of every single thing I talk about, every single day. So, go on and have a beautiful day. Nothing would make me happier. Remember to always fill up with love. Smile at the sun if you can, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. I love you.

Curious about how to turn a sluggish day into a journey of self-discovery and empowerment? Dive into the full episode of "Experiencing Love" with Philip Joks to discover how rewards, variety, and changing your linguistic framework can shift your perception and actions. Tap into more enlightening insights by listening now. This Episode On Spotify

Photo by LouLou Escalante Urquijo on Unsplash