Embracing Adulthood: Transforming the Meaning Behind Birthdays

By Philip Joks

“If I want to see a smile, I have to give a smile.” Experiencing Love Ep 118

Hello, and welcome to Experiencing Love. I'm your host, Philip Joks, and I'm so glad that you're here. I had a Mastermind meeting today, and I took it as an opportunity to bring up what I've been feeling for the past few weeks and what I've talked about in the last two episodes. I got some really interesting perspectives. Not only that, but it helped me to ask different questions - questions to myself as well as the people around me and the people who have wished me a happy birthday.

So, from what I described to my friends in my group, they let me know that this was part of the growing pains of transitioning into adulthood. That might not make perfect sense right now because I don't fully remember just how much I shared in the episode yesterday and how much I shared with them. Pretty much, it has to do with this transition from when, as a kid, things just happen for you. Your birthday gets celebrated for you. Your parents may ask you what your plans are, or your friends ask you what you're doing for your birthday, wanting to join in on the fun. Then, when you become an adult, everything is much more intentional. You have to create it.

I even think I mentioned that, like two days ago, with respect to celebrating, but it goes further than that. I realized that if I wanted to feel a certain way or experience a certain thing on my birthday, it's my responsibility to create it. And if I don't create it, it's my responsibility not to complain about it. I forget sometimes that I am really young. With my birthday just passing. I'm only 23 years old. I've only just become an adult. As much as I spend time with other adults and like to view myself as being considerably more mature for my age and having been that for quite a few years, there's still so much that I haven't experienced and I haven't learned. There are some things that truly just come with time.

Yes, people can learn earlier. Like, I'm sharing this now, but it's one of those things where I give myself grace by saying, how was I supposed to know any sooner? I know now. And I learned this at the exact time that I was meant to learn this. I wasn't meant to know this a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. And now that I know this, I can use this for all the years in advance, all the years coming forward.

I learned to ask myself new questions. I spoke with another friend of mine, and I asked him, along with many other people, when you have a birthday that comes up, what do you celebrate and what do you reflect on? He told me that he doesn't really reflect that much because when he does, he inevitably starts thinking about what he hasn't yet achieved in his life. And I found that really insightful because that's pretty much what I'm going through right now, which is I try to stay positive, and I try to stay appreciative and grateful. And I think about all the things that I've gained in the last year, all the things that I have now that I didn't have then. Then, at some point, it always transitions into what I want now that I don't have yet. Or should I say what I want in the future that I don't have now. It's the same perspective, just shifted, and I'm looking at the opposite end of it. Just that one makes me feel a bit more sad.

So, this friend of mine, he said that he doesn't usually reflect in that way, at least on his birthday. Instead, the question he asks himself is, "How do I want today to go? What do I want this day to be like?" And he shared a fun idea: that on his most recent birthday, the answer to that question was laser tag. And he took a bunch of his friends and family and celebrated it that way. And I found that incredible because it truly does just lean into the whole playfulness, the whole fun and celebration of having a birthday, and not the heavy weight that I can put on my shoulders, because although I've achieved so much so far, there's still more for me to do. I know that the finish line is only going to keep moving, and it's not about reaching that finish line. It's about who I'm becoming along the way.

I get to learn these lessons sometimes over and over again, oftentimes for the first time, and I get to implement them. I got to make them a part of who I am. So I'm really grateful for this change in perspective. I also acknowledge that when I have these dips in my mindset, especially around my birthday, the day right after or the week following my birthday dramatically spikes up. Or maybe it just feels that way because I am no longer focused on what I haven't achieved yet. Usually, what happens is I have that dip, and then I use it to pivot to find the direction that I want to go in and to make a plan to get there. I'm in that phase now where I'm coming up with my plan of what's next; what am I going to do? So, I think this week is going to be a great week, honestly. I'll be able to figure out or get a little bit more clear on the role I get to play in creating this life that I want, and then taking the steps to get there.

Everything happens for a reason. I've experienced these emotions for all these years for a reason. Maybe it's for this moment, or maybe it's for a moment that's still to come. There's still something ahead of me that is going to need what I'm facing right now. I love thinking this way because it almost makes life like a game. It makes me always be on the lookout for the hidden gifts out in the world. It's not a job; it's not a responsibility; it's an opportunity. I get to spend my days looking for all the love in the world, all the love that I can send out, all the love that's getting sent out to me. What it means, in the grand scheme of things when I say that everything happens for a reason, it happens for love. It happens for the end goal of love. And sometimes to get there, you have to be a little uncomfortable, and you have to face some or many of your fears. That's the inevitable part. Like change. That's what will always happen. And the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can embrace it and enjoy it. I used to fight it; now, I find gratitude in it. And sometimes it's just as simple as wanting to see a smile in the world, wanting to hear a little laughter. And if I want to see a smile, I have to give a smile.

So, all of this may just be a reminder to smile more. I'm going to make this a very short episode today because I may or may not be on about three, four hours of sleep today. So, I'm feeling it now, and I'm going to have an early night for sure. So, while you're listening to this, I hope you can think back and take something away from this episode. I'm not even going to give suggestions because I want to leave that to you. What you choose to value today and every day is up to you. And I hope you can use this newfound knowledge to improve your life or improve the lives of those around you.

If there's one thing I hope for in recording these episodes, it's to leave my corner of the world better than I found it. If that means one extra person every day gets to smile, then that's an absolute win. So, I hope you smile today. I really do. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for reading. Remember to always fill up with the love, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. I love you.

Dive deeper into the journey of personal growth and the celebration of life with Philip Joks on Experiencing Love. Listen to the full episode for more heartfelt insights and inspiring stories. For the complete experience, follow This Episode On Spotify

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