From Languishing to Launching: My Creative Awakening

By Philip Joks

“The unknown used to scare me. Now I see it as a blank canvas, one that's waiting for me to paint my vision onto.” Experiencing Love Ep 120

Hello and welcome to Experiencing Love. I'm your host, Philip Joks, and I'm so glad that you're here. I learned a new term yesterday, one that describes the gray space in between depression and that feeling of flourishing, of doing really well. It's a term called languishing. Now, I've heard that word before, but I've never heard it in the sense of an emotional state. I almost describe it as a feeling of meh.

Like you don't feel depressed, you don't feel rundown, you don't feel extremely unmotivated, you don't feel hopeless. But you also don't feel motivated, you don't feel like a powerhouse, you don't feel like everything you want is right in front of you and you're sprinting to get there. It's that feeling where things are going alright and you also might be a little tired, and all you want to do is sit back and maybe watch a movie. You know, not excited for anything, but you're not sad. It's just kind of meh.

So when I learned this new term, I realized that it described what I've been feeling for the past few weeks now. Because I know for the past few weeks I haven't been flourishing, that's for sure. I haven't been on my game, I haven't been 100%. There have been a lot of days where I've been doing what I've seen online as revenge bedtime procrastination, which is pushing my bedtime further and further back as a way to get back at myself. I don't know, in this weird way, it just kept making it worse. And whenever I would be awake, I would just want to play some video games or lay in bed, take it easy. I didn't want to go out, but I wasn't feeling depressed.

I've been depressed before. I know what that feels like. I know what extreme anxiety feels like. This wasn't that. So I just didn't know how to label it. I was at this point where I was just riding that wave, waiting to get to the other side. I know that when I understand an emotion, when I have a name for it, it's easier for me to overcome it. It's easier for me to take action and do something about it. I think one of the reasons this phase has lasted as long as it did, in part, had to do with me not having a name for it. So I didn't know what to research. I didn't know what tips and tricks to try. I didn't know what to tell myself in order to do something different.

Simply learning this last night started a small shift in my head. It felt like that first little bit of snow that falls off the peak of the mountain right before it becomes an avalanche. I could tell that there's this momentum starting to build. I'm not fully out of this languishing, but there's movement happening. I'm feeling energized. I'm feeling ready. I had another one of my creative ideas last night, creative-type ideas. And it was this challenge for myself on starting to write a book.

Normally when I think about writing a book, so many limiting beliefs pop up into my head. First of all, who's going to read it? How am I going to sell it? Or how am I going to give it away? Who's this book for? Do I even have anything to say? Is it even worth the time or the energy? And all these questions start popping up to the point that it overwhelms me and I never start. But I know one thing for sure: It's that I've wanted to write a book for many, many years now. From what I could remember, I think in my journal about four years ago now, I have it written down that I would love to write a book in that journal. This was while I was still in college, so I still believed I was going to be an astronaut.

I wrote, I want to have my own business, I want to write my own book, and I want to have my own family. Now, those thoughts thoroughly confused me back then because the path that I was on then did not connect with those desires. I didn't see the disconnect then in terms of my current path and where I wanted my life to go. It took me getting further and further away to realize that there was that disconnect. And I'm really grateful for the strength that I had in my weakest times to do something different and move in the direction of my desires rather than what I was raised to believe is the next right step.

So back to the idea of writing a book. I simply asked myself, if I wrote a book, do I have something to put inside of it? Do I have content for a book? Maybe in the past, the answer would have been no. But what I've realized is that I take rigorous notes all over the place. I have notebooks and journals scattered across my desk. I have sticky notes and note cards filled with quotes and to-dos and ideas. And for the longest time, they've just been laying here. A few weeks back, when I had the idea of writing down my core principles, my tenets, I realized that's a concept that I've been building for many years, and there's evidence of it throughout all my notes. So I started to play around and I started an outline just to show myself that, oh, I do have something to write about.

It might not be the longest book. It definitely won't be the longest book, but I definitely have enough content to fill 50, 75, maybe 100 pages, which to me is wild to think about because this is coming from the person with the past mindset that I have nothing to share. And I thought about this too: If I want to have 10 books written one day, I have to start somewhere. I have to start at some point. I rather start now and go through some of the learning lessons now, go through some of the tough times now. So that when I have even more to say and even more to write in the future, I already have a history, I already have a foundation to build off of. I'll be able to say that this is my second book and I've already made certain mistakes in the past that I don't have to repeat now. It'll streamline the process later, and I think that's worth starting now and doing what I feel called to do.

I guess the other thought is, why wait? Why wait for someone else to give me permission? Why wait for more achievements in my life before I give myself permission to write? Because pretty much, me recording this podcast and writing the blog, in a way, has been a part of my rough draft for the past four months now. I have so much content to skim through and to really incorporate into the book. I also just see it as a challenge to get me out of my current routine, to do something different and to create a little bit of excitement and spice in my life. Because who knows where this would go. Maybe I sell a copy that gets given to a friend, that gets given to another friend, that reaches out to me with an opportunity. Maybe this book goes absolutely nowhere, but I'd be able to start saying that I'm an author.

Actually, it's not about writing the book. That's just the byproduct. Like with everything else that we do, like with everything that we wish to achieve, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. We've heard that before, but what's more important to me is it's about who I become in the process. So it's not about the book itself. That's going to be a cool byproduct of this journey that I could be on. If there's money after that, that's also just a byproduct, but it's not the goal. The real focus is who will I become in the process of writing? What will I learn by maybe writing every day? Who will I become when I learn to overcome writer's block or any other creative block in my way?

I feel like there's so many unknowns, and many of which just make me excited. The unknown used to scare me. Now I see it as a blank canvas, one that's waiting for me to paint my vision onto. We all have a vision, and most of the time, we can't share that vision properly with the people around us because they have a different vision; they have a different prescription, and they can't see what we can see now. Not as clearly. But in order to show them what we see, sometimes we just have to create it first. Instead of describing the painting that you want to paint, you just paint it and show them that way. No words are needed. They could just use their own eyes and see your vision for what it is.

They could see your painting for what it is. The same goes for your plans on the future. Many people in your life might not be able to see what you see because they have a different set of beliefs and values that give them strengths and weaknesses different to yours. They have a vision that you can't see. Maybe you can understand it, but you don't understand their emotion as to why that vision is important to them. But when you achieve your vision and they achieve theirs, you will see the emotion on their face and in their bodies. And only then will you truly understand. Only then will they truly understand.

So it's not about the book, it's not about the courses, it's not about the business or the money. It's not even about the impact, or helping others, or doing community service and donating money. Whatever it is, it's about who we become in the process. Because you can be a billionaire, or you could have nothing. You could have everything, or you could have nothing. But depending on where your mind is, that will depend on how you view the world and how you feel about that scenario. We've all heard the stories of billionaires hating their lives and seemingly poor people feeling rich inside. It's who we are that matters more.

And if I can teach that lesson to others through my stories, through my experiences, and through my tools to share, well, then it's my responsibility to do so. And I'll be honest, when I was writing this outline, just the first draft of said outline, I immediately saw that this book was mainly going to be for me. It would be an opportunity to take everything that I've learned and put it all in one place. Something that I can read every once in a while. Or maybe set it up so that I could read one lesson every day and remember something that's important to me.

Now, if other people find value, that's amazing. Maybe this just starts with writing the book that I want to read. It's a part of creating the content that I already consume. I read books and I watch YouTube videos, and I know that I feel passionate about these mediums in a way that's going to light me up inside. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, when I'm supposed to be, and everything is as it should be.

I hope you have a beautiful, wonderful rest of your day and rest of your night whenever you're listening to this. Thank you so much for being here. I'm going to be sharing more of this journey as I'm experiencing it, so stick around. Maybe share it with someone who also has a similar vision. Remember to always fill up with love and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. I love you.

Ready to dive deeper into the world of "Experiencing Love" and explore the nuanced state of languishing alongside Philip Joks? For more soul-stirring insights and an in-depth exploration of embarking on a creative journey, tune into the full podcast episode. Click This Episode On Spotify to listen and transform meh into momentum.

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