Why Fear Shouldn't Dictate Your Life Choices…Completely
By Philip Joks
“We're either acting out of protection or acting out of growth; both serve a purpose and both are very important.” Experiencing Love Ep 125
Hello and welcome to Experiencing Love. I'm your host, Philip Joks, and I'm so glad that you're here. I have an important message, and maybe this is only for me to hear. And if that's the case, you could just skip ahead by about 10 seconds. But maybe this is for you too. Do not, and I repeat, do not make big life decisions when you are extremely scared. That's something that I needed to really focus on today and yesterday.
Yesterday, I spoke a little bit about change and being afraid and reaching a threshold and an insight and seeing an opening that was from this concept called the chemistry of transformation. I heard it from Tony Robbins, and it was good to get into that topic and remind myself about that idea. And I still agree with jumping through the opening whenever you see it. That being said, it's arguable that there's a balance to the decisions that you make when you're in that state of fear.
Reaching that threshold doesn't come from feeling joyful or feeling loving. It usually comes from feeling afraid, feeling upset, feeling angry, feeling disappointed, feeling frustrated. So, I'd say it's maybe good not to make decisions in that mindset, in that frame of mind. But it is important to note what decision you want to make during that time. In moments like that, your heart comes out, but it's the version of your heart that's in protection mode, wanting to make sure that you're okay. We're either acting out of protection or acting out of growth. Both serve a purpose and both are very important.
Yesterday, I was in protection. I was looking to guard myself. And when I thought about it today, I realized that the decisions I wanted to make, the reminder that I wanted to just leave and travel for a bit, that was a reaction of wanting to run away from my fears. I was feeling uncomfortable and I see now that I just wanted to run away. I wanted to run away so I didn't have to deal with this discomfort here. And I even acknowledged it yesterday. I wanted to run away from one level of discomfort and invite a different one. But who's to say that other one would be any better? And what if in pursuing that other level of discomfort, I burned bridges here?
That's a double-edged sword because maybe it is a bridge that needs to be burnt. I've always loved this concept that there's this invading force on an island and it's much smaller than the inhabitants of the island. So the leader of this invading force commands his troops to burn the boats. They burn all their boats so that they have no choice but to fight to reach the enemy boats. So, I've often told myself, "Philip, you have to burn the boats. You have to reach a point of no return where you have to make a decision and move." There is value in that.
And the steps I wanted to take yesterday, to leave and go travel, is still on my radar. It is still something I want to do. That being said, I don't need to do it in a way that completely jeopardizes my life. Pretty much where I'm at right now is I'm giving myself a few days to really work through it and create a plan, a base level plan at least. There are some logistics that I need to figure out, and honestly, some paperwork that needs to get filled out first.
As crazy as it sounds, there is paperwork that needs to happen before I just pack up and leave for who knows how long. And there is a part of me that is worried that I'm taking it a bit too easy. That by choosing to do this a little more logically, well, I'm letting the opening close. And that may be true. It may be true that I'm letting the opening close. But the last time I took a big leap like this, I didn't do it as logically. And things worked out in a decent way exactly how they were supposed to. It was when I quit my job.
And honestly, now that I think about it, it is a little different than what I'm thinking about now or what I was thinking about yesterday. Because when I quit my job, I put in a three weeks' notice. So that was three weeks of still working, saving up money, and coming up with some sort of plan to make sure that I was sure about leaving. And I was. I really had to go. I could not be there anymore. And maybe that's what I'm doing here. Maybe I'm giving myself my two to three weeks' notice. I'm crossing my T's and dotting my I's.
And when the paperwork comes back and everything is under my name and I truly have the ability to go and not have it impact as many other areas of my life and the lives of the people around me, then I'll go. One thought I did have last night was that I didn't want to leave the scene of a decision without taking massive action. I didn't know what that action was supposed to be. That moment is when I got scared. Scared that I was letting this opening close. But then today, I sparked the conversation. Moving the ball a little bit forward, I'm not letting that opening close completely.
I did change some things. I now do work in a different area of my house because I realized that my environment really does matter. This environment that I've been doing work in, which is also my room, really lends itself to taking it easy and honestly getting distracted. So since I don't want to do that anymore, I decided to just go into a different part of my house. And I've decided that that place in my house is non-negotiable. That's where I do work. I will put on music and I'll focus up because I'm going to need that practice. I'm going to need that level of focus when I do leave. When I do leave and I'm in between trips, in between drives, and I need to do work, I will need that focus.
The idea of leaving is still baffling to me. I don't really know if it's fully thought out. But I do know that if I go, I won't regret it. It will be a learning experience. And then I get to take everything I learn and implement it here, implement it in my business, implement it in my daily habits. I could use it for the greater good. But I need to remember not to just be so hasty and do things when I'm afraid.
I will say, of the decisions that I regret, it's not always the decision itself. It's usually how I go about changing something in my life. The ones that I do regret in my life happen when I'm immensely afraid. When I'm not afraid and I'm a little bit more calm and collected, or even better, I'm experiencing love, well, then I don't regret those. It's usually more thought-out and it's usually more aligned with who I am. When I'm afraid, I return to a lot of my old habits. Old habits that don't serve me. They once did. They once protected me, they once made me feel good. And now, I just see them as weighing me down.
When I'm afraid, I default. Honestly, when most people are afraid, they default. Whenever you get into an argument with someone and they start yelling, you start yelling, and there's a lot of reaction going on. It's both people returning to some form of default to protect themselves, to feel good. It's difficult in an argument to be the one that actually remains calm. Like truly calm and not the passive-aggressive kind, but truly remains calm and peaceful and exuding love. I truly find it difficult. I could do it sometimes, but when I feel threatened, sometimes the switch just gets flicked and I just go into that mode, the protection mode. It's always in hindsight that I see it as a moment of, "Oh man, I did it again." At the very least, I can notice it. And, I'm working at decreasing that time until, in the moment, I can do it. Sometimes I can. Sometimes, well, I react.
And it's in these moments, after the fact, that I can extend that same level of understanding and love to the other people in an argument or just in my life, in general. People don't yell and get angry when they don't feel threatened. If I look at it from that angle, if anybody ever yells at me, then they feel threatened, they feel afraid. That doesn't give them free reign to do whatever they want, but it does give me the ability to show them care and empathy. Because rather than looking at the situation as them attacking me, I can look at it as they're protecting themselves. And if it's someone in my life that I truly love, and there are many people like that, honestly, most people I come in contact with, I love. Just being a human, you are allowed to be loved. And if I truly love someone, as I say and as I really feel, and I remember that one of the things that I'm allowed to do and I'm able to do is to help them feel safe, help them feel protected. And if we're in a fight and they're yelling and they feel threatened, it's because I'm not doing my job at loving on them. Yes, I can say that I'm feeling threatened too.
And that's where it takes real growth and maturity to step out of it. Even though you may feel threatened and enter a mode of love, funny enough, by having that courage and doing that, you get to display love to them. And if they love you, it gives them permission to do it back. Sometimes all we need is permission. We're all looking for it, we can't find it. Give yourself that permission first. And when you do that, you can give it to other people. And then, you become like a unicorn. You become like a unicorn in the eyes of others and in the eyes of yourself where you don't quite understand how or why or when or what, but you know that there's something real and there's something magical. You could be that magic. But it starts with not acting out of fear.
It is easy for me to say now because I didn't do it yesterday, I'm doing it today. But maybe that's the reminder that I need. I needed that today and I'm grateful for it. And now that I think about it, I did take massive action yesterday. I did change things up. I did move things around physically in my room, also in my mind. And it's going to take a couple of weeks, if not a couple of months, to get back to the way things were. That's the point. I don't want them to. If I give myself the three weeks, I may be out of here anyways and I'll be on an adventure. And that's where I'm going to stop this today.
I thank you so much for listening and for being a part of this. For being a part of this show, being a part of this podcast, for this blog and just being a witness to my evolution. I don't have much feedback in terms of this show. I don't know who enjoys what, so I only pray every night that there's someone out there and is getting much value out of this. And for the people that might not know about this yet, I pray that they find it some way, somehow. I appreciate you for being you, and I hope to see you soon. Remember to always fill up with the love, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. I love you.
Curious to hear more about Philip's journey and insights on making decisions amidst fear? Dive into the full episode of "Experiencing Love" to unravel the depths of transformation, fear, and love that might just resonate with where you're at. Listen now for a deeper exploration! This Episode On Spotify
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